Information for perpetrators
Abuse in a relationship is when you try to control someone, hurt them or force them to do things they don’t want to.
This can be done in many different ways and isn’t always overt or obvious.
Abusive behaviour can be:
- violent (hitting, kicking, slapping)
- emotional (humiliating and putting you down)
- sexual (forcing you to do sexual acts you don't want to)
- financial (controlling money, taking out loans in the partner’s name)
Abuse may start with name calling but often escalates over time into physical violence.
- Are you jealous? Do you constantly need to know where your partner is?
- Does it make you angry when they want to spend time with friends or family?
- Do you have strong opinions about what they wear or who they see?
- Do you call them names and put them down?
- Have you ever threatened to hurt yourself if they say they want to leave the relationship?
- Do you text them excessively?
- Do you monitor their calls and emails?
- Does drinking or drug use trigger any negative behaviour towards them?
- Do you ever use force in an argument – including using your physical presence to intimidate?
- Do you think they are responsible or your problems or feelings?
- Do you force them to do anything they don’t want to?
If you display any of these behaviours you are causing pain to the people you love.
Choose to stop.
We know taking that first step to change can be difficult however we will support you to make positive change for yourself.
We offer support through the below programme
Caring Dads - (Male only)
Caring Dads is a 17 week programme for men aimed at reducing abusive and harmful behaviours towards children and/or women. The men must be spending time with their children in order to complete the course.
Caring dads develops trust with the men, increasing their awareness of abusive behaviours and the consequences whilst helping them to take responsibility for their actions. Men are encouraged to think about their childhood experiences, consider how they want their children to feel and what they need to do to make their children feel safe and happy. The group also looks at how the men behave towards their partners and ex-partners, the impact of their abusive behaviours and strategies for managing their own frustrations. Models and strategies used include child centred parenting, cognitive behavioural therapy and goal-centred and solution focused solution-focused approaches.
Please fill in the referral form below and return to dahub@wirral.gov.uk
Caring Dads Referral Form.docx
Changing Me - Tomorrow's Women (Female only)
Leaf - Open Door Charity (child on parent)
Supporting inter-family dynamics which may result in aggression or communication breakdown between adults and children. Adults will be invited to engage with small group sessions of our Colours programme, which will help them address and work with the stressors within their life. In addition to this, monthly meet-up with LEAF members in similar situations within an empowering environment to talk about mental health and speak truthfully with each other. LEAF also has the offer of de-escalation training to help ease family relations within the home, and support adults in making the change themselves.
Who's in Charge - Family Matters (child on parent)
9 week child to parent violence (CPV) programme aimed at parents whose children are being abusive or violent toward them or who appear out of parental control. The structure of the programme consists of 8 two and a half hour sessions with a two-month follow up. The programme aims to reduce parent’s feelings of isolation, challenge parent’s feelings of guilt, lessen deterministic thinking about causes, reinforce belief in possibility of change, clarify boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, arm parents with some simple concepts that have proved empowering, examine strategies for creating meaningful and practical consequences for unacceptable behaviour. Explore anger, both children’s and parents’, encourage assertiveness, encourage self-care, reinforce progress and provide emotional support while parents are attempting to become more assertive parents.